Hey baby whats up...good morning to you...i was typing on the keyboard and looking at my yahoo messenger window at the same time.....i get a response not even 3 seconds later. It was the first person that i had fallen in love with. my frist relationship i guess you can say. i had never met the person in person but i knew that i loved him with all my heart. So i look at my messenger window to see what the message said and it said something like this "Hey baby whats up? good morning to you, how are you feeling this morning? The person who i had been talking to for a while now. was my boyfriend,my friend,my everything i would say. i was in love with him i had never felt something like that for anyone in my life. i felt that he was the one. He made me smile all the time...he always made me laugh buy the things that he would always be telling me.. he just made my days i would say i would go to sleep thinking of him and wake up thinking of him. But i was ..... years old at the time and well he was about ..... when we met.....we met in this chat room and we just hit it from their got to know each other more and more we would talk on the phone for hours and hours none stop...he always had me in his mind i think shit he was always calling me to see what i was doing and what not....After a while well i was the one who came foward witht that question i asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend....and seriously thought that he was going to say no...but damn he really surprised me when he said yes, you should of seem the big Kool-Aid smile on my face.
After that nothing else really seemed to get my attention but him. After a while i started getting this feeling in my chest that i had to tell my mom one way or another, i could not sleep,eat or even think straight i had told Ryan who was my (bf) i told him what was going on with me how i felt and everything and thank god that he was really supportive.... he told me that he was going to be their for me no matter what, and that is all i had to hear from him for him to make me smile and for me not to worrry about anything but this time it was different, Cause i was so worried about what was going to happen when i would tell my mom. But after 3 days i had told Ryan that i was going to tell my mom and he asked me if i was sure and i said yes, i told him i had to do it one way or another before things got worse....but ofcourse i told him that i was not going to menttion him cause well yea i didnt want to get him into anything cause he was in the military too...so i told him that he had nothing to worry about. So i told him to give me about a hour or two and that i was going to hit him back up......
So i go inside and go take a shower i was nervous as hell i was shaking like if i had been scared or something, my nerves just would not stop taking controll of me...so i jump in the shower and not even a minute latter i start to cry cause i was scared i didnt know what was going to happen, how my mom was going to react or anyting like that...and being Mexican and GAY really is not the best combination that their can be... most mexican familes tend to be close minded about alot of things and especially hwen it comes to shit like that. Most mexican familes from what i had knows from having other friends that were hispanic too they would tell me their experiences that they would have from what i heard from most of them they would get kicked out and they would have to live with someone else...and thats what i was scared of i didnt want for that to happen Cause of my grandmother......So anyways i get out the shower about 30 mins latter and i go to my moms room and i start to cry and she heres me....and she woke up all scared she thought that something had happen to me or that i had broken the computer cause it was a brand new computer, but no i told her that the computer was fine and that it had to do with me thats why i was crying, i was their sitting right next to her in the bed she kept asking me for about 30 minutes what was wrong with me. but it just could not come out I wanted to tell her i wanted to shout it out but their was something keeping me from doing that. After a while I told her and once that happen I went back to my room and I went straight to the computer and i had seen that Ryan had been messaging me for a while...asking me if everything was ok...their was a whole lot of messages, when i was fixing to reply to them my mom open the door to my room and she asked me if something had happen to me and i asked her what she meant by that and she said if i had gotten raped or molested or anything like that and i told her no so she asked me then of how i knew that i was gay and i told her that girld really didnt turn me on or anything like that. but when i would be watching tv and a hot guy came on the screen i told her that i would get erected. we had a long conversation. she thought that i was just going through a face but she told me that no matter what that she was still going to be their for me and that she was going to love me no matter what.
A few months latter we moved cause my mom and my grandmother they were having problems cause of my step dad witch i think it was relly stupid to be arguing about shit that really didnt matter or a person that did not matter in the family. so my mom waited for me to get done with my six grade year, so a couple of days before we moved i had told Ryan that we were going to move and that i didnt know to were but that i was going to keep him posted, he really didnt like the fact that we were moving over some stupid shit liket that and that i was going to leave my grandmother alone, and believe me i didnt like that fact either cause my grandmother means everything to me i would do anything for her, i was worried too cause i didnt know what he grandmother was going to do she was use to living with us we had always lived together and this was going to be the first time that we were going to be apart or go our seperate ways in the family. So i would say about 2 days or so before school ended i went to school and i had messaged Ryan that morning that i was already heading out to school and that i would call him on my lunch period witch i would do so it was nothing new to us so we talked for a while actually i think it was my whole lunch period so at the end well yea i had to go back to class and i told him that i would message him on yahoo when i got home. I was always eiger to go home everyday from school cause all i wanted to do was talk to Ryan.
So i get home from school and i went to my computer and i tried to connect to the internet but it was not working so i thought their was something wrong with the modem or something so i tried to fix it i even tried restarting the computer several times too, but no nothing i would not be able to connect. so i go inside the house and i went straight to my mom and i told her that the internet was not workind and that she needed to call those people, and when i was done telling her that she tiold me that she had disconected the internet, you should of had seen my face when she said that it was like a slap in my face. i went blank i didnt know what to do, so i started asking my self how the hell am i going to talk to Ryan now, cause at the time we didnt have a cell phone and we didnt have long-distance either on our house phone.
For those last two days i just could not sleep cause i just didnt feel comfortable not talking to Ryan and i didnt know what was going through Ryans head either, buttheriwas nothing that i could do so i packed up my computer and everything was ready to go i didnt go to the last day of school cause we left that same day. So when we got here to Angleton i set up my computer in my room and when i turned it on the computer would turn on but the screen would not so i started to trip out cause it would not turn on...so i called my mom and i told her that the screen would no turn on....so we went to the store to see if i could find another plug for it cause i thought it was the connection to give power to the screen so we went we bought another plug got home and i tried it and no it didnt work......so for a couple of months i think it was 3 i did that i went without a computer witch i didnt like cause i wanted to talk to Ryan and by the well i thought that ryan had probally forgotten about me and got someone else or something but well i just didnt know what to think.so months went by and dam i just didnt know what to do...
So when my mom started working at Dillards my mom became real good friends with this one lady, and one time from what i remember my mom telling me that lady had asked my mom if she knew anyone that wanted a computer cause she had one and she wanted to get ride of it...and my mom asked her if the screen still worked and the lady said yes....so my mom told her about the problem with my computer so the lady just decided to give my mom the screen and well my mom got home with it and it worked...you should of had seen the face that i made when i saw that screen turn on...so imediatly i turnd it on and i got on the internet and i got on my yahoo messenger.....once i had singed on all this offline messages started to pop up and they were all from Ryan asking me if i was ok and all this other stuff...and when i was reading all the messages he messeged me too...and i could tell that he was not happy cause of the way he had messaged me...and i really didnt know what to tell him or how to explain things to him my mind had just gone blank...Afer a while i explained to him everything that had been going on and were i had moved to and all that stuff.....but he told me something that i had never wanted to hear coming out from him....he was going to iraq and he was going to be over their for 2 years and i was not happy about that cause i knew he was goin to be gone and i was not going to be able to talk to him a whole lot.....and we had to catch up with each other......so we started talking once again having our conversations and all that stuff...it was really good hearing from him again i felt like my self again and i didnt have that empty feeling no more so i knew that i was going to be ok one way or another.....he had gotten a new number and he gave it to me but i was not able to call him at that momment cause he had to go back to wokr but i gave him my house number and he said he was going to give me a call asoon as he got back to his place..witch from wat i remember i dont even think he did that if i recal he called me when he was just getting of work or something like that i really cant remember its been so long...im 18 now cant rember everything you know. anyways we spoke on the phone for a couple of hours the first night...and thenm after that we spoke everynight for a couple of hours sometimes i would not sleep the whole night cause i would stay up talking to him all night witch i didnt fucking care cause it was Ryan and that was the only person that i spoke too cause i didnt have any friends and i didnt speak to any of my family memebers over here cause i didnt know them....But even though me and Ryan spoke all the time i could tell once again that we had grown apart either way i knew it was going to happen cause he was going to iraq so it sucked ass big time...cause i didnt want for that to happen but their was nothing that i could do about it. so after a while it was not the same either we didnt speak on the phone all the time cause we started to get busy he was taking care of his shit before he was going to get deployed and well i was going to start school once again already so i had to get ready for that too and not only that but we was still taking trips to the valley cause we were not able to get everything in one trip now that i remember we went about 10 times back and forth like it was nothing man i swear the first couple of times it seemed like the road was never going to fucking end....before ryan left we talked and we just decided that we were just going to go our seperate ways and he confesed something to me....he told me that he had been dating this other guy for a couple of weeks and that he had been wanting to tell me but he just didnt know how...i told him it was ok and that i didnt blame him for it....so sadly that was the end of that......
So i was a fresh man in high school nothing to be proud of when youa fish so they call it when you in the lowest grade in high school seniors and jrs always be making fun of you....But either way my freshman year was a good year for me i had alot of good experiences and well yea their was a whole lot more to that too...I got to meet a whole lot of different people and my teachers were the best i got along with all of them i became really good friends with them too... My first period was Algebra with Ms.Hernandez she was a real cool teacher that i had i never really payed attention to her class cause i was always to tired so i always happend to falls asleep in that class for the whole period...i still did my work sometimes...but not really cause im not that big of a math person but their was nothing that i can do to it....cause even though when i did pay attention i still really didnt understand nothing from it...from their was no point in me doing anything for that class...even thoug i had really good friends their was always this girls named Jessica or Ashley but she always did my work witch i always did thank her for doing that...but when it came down to the day of the exams their was nothing really that anything we could do about that so i would have to fail all the test...My second period was English 1 witch was one of my favorite classes cause i was always invold in the plays and all that stuff i like to read and i like to just be stupid i guess i can say i always have had a good since of humor.. I remember we were doing the play Romio and Juliet witch i had a real good time doing that it was like a one in a life time exprecience i would say...i was romeo mexican style and i dont remember who Juliet was she was not good looking cause if she was then i would know who she was.....and then well all the other class periods really didnt meant much but History i love history and i loved that class too all my good friends were their and me and the teacher got along real well too...so it was all good never had a problem in that class..but some drama here and their cause their was this guy names josh that was a real homophobe for some reason...so i remember one day he started talking shit...and me and Lj witch i would kinda say his an x of mine but not really....we both had the same class and josh was always talking shit about me or lj untill one time this one girl name Laquisha or something like that told him off...man it was the funniest shit ever for reals she she told him of real good and our teacher mrs.patterson agreed with het...man we all just started laughing....
advice
man this days people really dont know the meaning of love....they say they love you after the first 2 or 3 weeks just cause they are trying to get something out of you...aint that nice and wonderfull...and well some are stupid enought to fall for it and they end up giving it all out... 
